This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Four minutes until I can fart!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
