Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
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