Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
