I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
