chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I want a musical about memes.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
