great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
