I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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