I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just pee around me
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
