just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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