I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
