alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
