I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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