Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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