You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
