apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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