dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
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He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
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Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.