If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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