It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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