Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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