Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i think im in europe. pls send help
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
