I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You're like the curious george of whores
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My liver just had a heart attack.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
