no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
