don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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