At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
