My sheets look like a crime scene.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
