Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
