Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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