Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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