At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
