Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
