I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
thus making me awesome and them whores
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
