i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
