Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
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