Me too!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
