No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
