I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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