I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
