Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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