:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just had sex bonerless
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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