too bad you live with your parents still
two words: eviction party
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
