do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
