I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Princesses don't give blow jobs
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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