i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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