So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
