2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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