so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
