.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
