then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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