Dude my mom stole all your condoms
id be glad to
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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