Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just found a bag of teeth...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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