Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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