I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize