I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
