Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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