the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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