Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
