Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
