You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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