I can tuck mytits in my pants
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
