Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
