My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
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