...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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