Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
