You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
