Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
