PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
