i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
