Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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