haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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