i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
