It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
