omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
two words: eviction party
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
